How to Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale Read online

  Andrew kept moving us to different locations. By the time we were at the fourth, in front of an artificial waterfall, Nikki and I had so much pent-up libido that our inner thighs were turning blue. For the shot, my back was to her and she was supposed to lean over me, kiss my neck, and pretend like she was fingering me. My front was not visible from the camera’s point of view, so Nikki started gently rubbing my clit as the Bolex whirred and clicked. The sound of it was so comforting and reassuring. I closed my eyes and just imagined being a twenties actress making her silent screen debut in Hollywood. Suddenly, my body began to shudder and my knees buckled. I arched my back and a soft moan escaped from my lips. I was coming.

  I opened my eyes and Andrew was just sitting there, watching us with a big smile on his face. We had gotten totally lost in the moment, and I’m sure it was rare for him to capture authentic sex on a soft-core shoot. That is, if the camera was actually still rolling.

  On the plane home, I was ecstatic. Moviemaking was so simple and fun. And I was sure that Andrew Blake loved me. At least, he loved my body and breasts, and we gave him a real performance. But he never called me again. I suppose his type of girl was dark-haired, shapely, and looked like she was old enough to vote. Even in interviews to this day, he says that I was meek, that nothing stood out about me, and that he didn’t think I was going to make it in the business. And I have to give him points for his honesty, because almost anyone else would try to take credit for discovering someone.

  It was disappointing not to hear from him, because I was so enthralled with the experience—and the end result. The scene looked beautiful, with grainy black-and-white footage of the orgasm. Seems the camera was still rolling.

  UP AND CUMMERS, VOLUME 10

  TRANSCRIPT 4/18/94

  * * *

  Jenna: JENNA JAMESON Kylie: KYLIE IRELAND, her co-star

  Randy: RANDY WEST, her male lead, and the director and producer of the Up and Cummers gonzo video series

  Note to the reader: The following is Jenna Jameson’s first interview, printed here for classroom study.

  * * *

  Randy West: Well, look what we have here today. Two cuties with nice booties.

  Kylie Ireland: Hi.

  Jenna waves.

  Randy: Who is everybody?

  Kylie: I’m Kylie.

  Jenna: I’m Jenna.

  Randy: Hi Kylie and Jenna. You guys sure are cute.

  Kylie: Why, thank you.

  Randy: Let’s see. I guess I’ll check you both out at the same time. Um. Kylie, raise your hand so I know which one you are.

  Kylie raises hand.

  Randy: That’s Kylie over there. So that means Jenna must be on the right.... Let’s find out a little bit about you. Where are you from?

  Jenna: I’m from Las Vegas, Nevada.

  Randy: So we’re all Western folks now, huh?

  Jenna: Yeah, I guess so.

  Kylie: Just country girls.

  Jenna (sarcastically): Oh yeah.

  Randy: And let’s see. How old might you be?

  Jenna: Well, I’m nineteen.

  Randy: You’re nineteen. And you have proof of it, thank god. Because you could pass for a few things. I won’t say anything, but …

  Jenna: Oh yeah, I have proof.

  Randy: Yeah, I did see that beforehand. Were you a dancer too?

  Jenna: Yeah, at the Crazy Horse Too in Las Vegas.

  Randy: The Crazy Horse Too? I tend to go over to the Olympic Gardens a little more often.

  Jenna: Oh yeah.

  Randy: Did you ever dance there?

  Jenna: Yeah, I was there for like one month, but it’s like more of an upscale crowd.

  Randy: Mm-hmm. And you’d rather have those cheap sleazy bastards, right?

  Jenna: Yeah.

  Kylie: They’re a little more fun sometimes.

  Jenna: Yeah, sometimes.

  Randy: You see more of your friends there?

  Jenna: Yeah, exactly.

  Randy: Actually, I only went to the Crazy Horse Too one time, and it was so crowded because there was a convention there that I just left.

  Jenna: Yeah, it gets really packed.

  Randy: I’ll have to go there on another night sometime and check it out.

  Jenna: Yeah.

  Randy: Um. And before you were a dancer, were you doing any other employment?

  Jenna: High school.

  Randy: High school?!

  Kylie: That’s employment. That’s work.

  Randy: They never paid me for that though. I guess you’re kind of employed, but the fees aren’t very good, are they?

  Jenna: Oh, God, I’m glad it’s over with.

  Randy: So you got out of high school and got right into stripping, huh?

  Jenna: Yeah.

  Randy: And have you done any magazine work or anything?

  Jenna: Mm, yeah. I’ve done every magazine. Except for Playboy.

  Randy: Haven’t done Playboy? What about, um, Sports and Field or Fishing Illustrated?

  Jenna: Oh yeah. I’m into those rubber boots, you know?

  Randy: Ooh, baby. Well, we’ll bring you back for another time. So have you done Penthouse or Hustler?

  Jenna: I’ve shot for Penthouse and it should be coming out soon. But I’ve done Hustler, and I’m shooting for them this week for a centerfold. So look for me.

  Randy: I will. Don’t worry about that. Um, I guess that pretty much covers it. Right now you guys look so pretty, I’m gonna shut up because I just want to see you guys get to know each other a little bit. Is that alright with you?

  Jenna: Absolutely.

  Kylie: It’s alright with me.

  Randy: Okay. Right now it’s your world, and I’m just passing through. So have a good time and I’ll see you later.

  Jenna: Yay.

  Kylie: We’re free.

  Phone rings.

  After the Andrew Blake movie was released, I received a call from Randy West, a roots-rock singer from New York who had moved to Los Angeles to become a star. But soon he was making a living with his surfer-hoodlum-doughboy looks instead: first as a Playgirl model, then as a Chippendale dancer, and, finally, starting in the mid-seventies, in adult films. After appearing in hundreds of movies, he had decided to start his own video line, Up and Cummers, a gonzo series which usually starred Randy having sex with different girls. The conversation went something like this:

  Randy: So, are you interested in coming out to L.A. to shoot a video?

  Me: Absolutely not. I only want to do high-end stuff.

  Randy: The pay is three thousand dollars for one scene.

  Me: What day you want me there?

  I told Randy that I would only do scenes with girls, and he agreed. He told me the girl would be Kylie Ireland, a stripper and former video-store manager from Colorado who had gotten into the business the week before and had already filmed five movies. He flew me to Los Angeles and I stayed at his house in the Hollywood Hills. Unlike Andrew Blake, Randy West’s entire crew consisted of himself. As for trailers and Kraft services, there were none. And, for a set, Randy just threw a blanket down on the lawn and let us go at it. I felt comfortable with Kylie instantly. She didn’t take herself too seriously, and wasn’t constantly condescending to me and acting competitive like other girls.

  There was no script, no lighting, no direction—it was just sex in front of a camera. From the second work started to the second we were finished, the elapsed time was an hour and a half. We kissed, ate each other out, and played with some toys he had brought. It was easy work.

  Unlike Andrew Blake, Randy wanted to film me again. Right away. The moment we finished filming, he pulled me aside. The conversation went something like this:

  Randy: I will pay you twice as much if you do a boy-girl shoot.

  Me: I told you, I don’t want to do that.

  Randy: How about we do a boy-girl-girl shoot, you only work with the girl, and I still pay you twice as much?

  Me: Sure. I don
’t see a problem with that.

  Randy: Will you do a little bit of head?

  Me: We’ll see how it goes.

  I had only worked with a guy once before, during a photo shoot with Suze a few months before. She’d called me and said she had an amazingly talented and ridiculously attractive male model she wanted to photograph me with. I wavered, so she sent me pictures of him from Playgirl. He was their Man of the Year. I decided that if I was going to do a boy-girl shoot, I might as well start with the best.

  The next week, I went to Suze’s studio, which was decorated like a bad Western set, and met Marcello. He was incredibly attractive, a cross between Antonio Banderas and the one-hit-wonder Gerardo, but he was also the most stuck-up, self-obsessed man I had ever met. He fussed over his hair more than most girls, couldn’t stop gazing at himself in every reflective surface, and even brought his own face tanner. Fortunately, I didn’t actually have to touch him anywhere. All I had to do was get close enough to make it seem real. He was so creepy and unlikable that I didn’t work with a guy again until Randy West.

  Randy, who of course volunteered to be the man in the shoot, was a decent guy. He was a little old and had the fashion sense of a homeless wrestler, but I didn’t have to touch him if I didn’t want to. So I figured a threesome—technically a two-and-a-halfsome—would be tolerable. Before shooting, he interviewed Kylie and me. It was the first time I had ever been interviewed. Though I would soon tire of hearing the same questions constantly, it was exciting because as I spoke, it dawned on me for the first time that this really was a professional career for me now, albeit an odd one.

  During the scene, I was even inspired to help Kylie give him a blow job. I needed something to do to keep from looking stupid on camera, so I just held it in my mouth a little. But afterward, as I sat there trying to keep myself busy while watching Kylie and Randy fuck, I thought, “That doesn’t look so bad.”

  Randy West must have either recognized my potential or wanted to fuck me really badly, because afterward, he pulled me aside again. The conversation went something like this:

  Randy: How about doing a shoot with just me tomorrow?

  Me: How many times do I have to tell you, I don’t really want to do that.

  Randy: How about I pay you two thousand dollars more?

  Me: Two thousand more than today?

  Randy: Yes.

  Me: Is tomorrow good for you?

  It wasn’t just the money. The ever-increasing amounts just helped rationalize it. I was nineteen and had been in every hard-core adult magazine there was, except for maybe Over 60 and Still Swinging. There was nowhere else to go. Adult films seemed like the natural next step. Many of the other magazine girls at that time didn’t move on to film. There were notable exceptions, though: Savannah, of course, whom I had seen in my dad’s copies of Penthouse and Hustler before she ever appeared in films; Racquel Darrian was a top nude model; and Janine Lindemulder was one of the most published girls in Penthouse before she started working for Andrew Blake. Besides, if I made it in film, then maybe the magazines would finally start calling me Jenna Jameson in my pictorials instead of Shelly and Daisy and Missy.

  After my tentative threesome with Randy, I knew I could do it with him. And if, along the way, I got a couple jabs in at Jack, all the better. For the girls who get penetrated in every hole in their first film, it’s physical and mental overload. The easiest way to approach anything new is to take those cautious baby steps, and Randy was teaching me how to walk one thousand dollars at a time. Of course, he denies to this day that he gave me that much money, but that’s probably because other girls would expect it then, too.

  The next day, Randy set up the camera in his bedroom as I put on a sexy white tennis dress. He stood behind the camera and posed me, asking me to lick my breasts and spread my legs and—something I wasn’t expecting—put my fingers in my ass. I was caught off guard, but I just smiled, arched my back, reached my hand behind me, and hoped he didn’t push me any further. I was so used to posing for Suze that I knew exactly how to bend my body, turn my head, and seduce the camera. While I was tentatively putting a finger up my backside, Randy climbed onto the bed with me.

  He interviewed me for a while, rubbing his hand lasciviously all over my body. I wasn’t sure I could go through with it, because he seemed a little bit lecherous. But the moment he shut up and stripped down, something snapped inside me and a primal part I had never been in touch with leaped out. It was like the moment I first used a strap-on with Nikki, only much more intense. I turned into a different person. Doing scenes with other girls was like dancing with another woman: There was no one to lead; it was just fluffy and tame. With a guy, there was strength, energy, intensity, and passion. It was a dance in which we wrestled for control. And as soon as I let go and abandoned myself to the moment, I won.

  I wasn’t ready to experience something so explosive, something in which I had absolutely no shred of self-consciousness. Neither was Randy. When I gave him a blow job, working my mouth and my hand on his shaft with an expertise I never knew I had, he kept stopping me. From the grimace on his face, I could see that it was taking every ounce of self-control he had to keep from blowing his load and ruining the scene.

  It was so much different from sex at home, because here I had the camera as an audience, and every muscle in my being was just naturally flexing, twisting, and arching to make sure our dance looked good for the lens. And knowing that I looked sexy made the sex itself better. Randy, in the meantime, seemed to have forgotten about the camera entirely. When I was on top of him, he had this expression on his face that read, “Holy shit!” And when he flipped me over, he kept whispering my name under his breath and throwing me into positions that seemed more for his benefit than the camera’s. Then, about forty minutes into it, something strange happened.

  As he was nearing orgasm, he suddenly stopped his jackhammer pounding and leaned over my ear.

  “Can I come in you?” he asked.

  I was expecting him to follow the tried-and-true formula of pulling out for a pop shot on my face or boobs. And, to tell the truth, it was the part of the scene that I was dreading the most. This was not something I had done before with Suze or in soft-core.

  Instead of pulling out, however, he came deep inside me. I thought, “That’s not going to look very good on film.” Then he pulled out and said, “Squeeze.”

  I flexed my PC muscle and the cum just burst out of me, accompanied by a loud squirting sound. It would be an unglamorous but pivotal moment for the adult film business—one of the first internal pop shots.

  Afterward, Randy kissed my back. It was a strangely affectionate move to make in a movie like this. Then he turned to the camera and said, “She’s kind of like Randy West with a pussy and tits.”

  I had found my calling.

  UP AND CUMMERS, VOLUME 11

  TRANSCRIPT 4/19/94

  * * *

  Jenna: JENNA JAMESON

  Randy: RANDY WEST, her co-star, and the director and producer of the Up and Cummers gonzo video series

  Note to the reader: The following sex scene has been transcribed in its entirety, so that no scintillating detail is left to the imagination.

  * * *

  Jenna (on bed with cat): Come here, Mama.

  Randy: Well, I uh obviously don’t have animals in my shoots. However, we did want to bring Mama out for a cameo because she’s the most famous cat in the adult film business because all my friends know her and love her. And she thinks she’s people. She’s been waiting to model for a long time. And you guys look so good together. Two of my favorite pussies, there’s no doubt about that.

  Jenna laughs uncomfortably.

  Randy: All right Mama, we’re going to have to say good-bye to you because we’re gonna work on this blonde over here.

  Jenna: Aw, she doesn’t want to leave.

  Randy: No she doesn’t. Well, you know what we’re going to do, Jen? I think I’m gonna talk you through the way we woul
d do it for a still shoot, and show everybody at home what it’s like when you’re doing the still shoot and stuff, because a lot of people are curious.

  Jenna: All right.

  Randy: We’ll do a little bit of that and we’ll get you naked and we’ll let you show off a little bit. And when I can’t stand it anymore, I’m jumping into my bed with you.

  Jenna: Okay, sure.

  Randy: I want you to do some poses like you were posing for a magazine, so I’ll talk you through a few things and if you come up with some ideas, you know, you can lay them on me.

  Phone rings.

  Randy: I’d like to see you slowly unzip that thing a little bit for me.

  Jenna: All right.

  Randy: Oh, good. Let me see. Get your hair out of your face. Let me see that. Put your hand on your breasts. Nice. Very nice. Yeah.

  Randy: Take your right breast out. Let’s see you play with it a little bit. Can you lick it?

  Jenna: Oh yeah. (Giggles)

  Randy: Let’s see it. Mmmm. Oh, that’s hot.

  Jenna plays with her breasts.

  Randy: Let me see those eyes again. Do that one more time. Let me see the eyes. If I’m shooting stills, I’d want to see the eyes now. That’s the shot you’d see in your magazines, folks. Right there. Yeah. Great.

  Jenna looks up at the camera.

  Randy: Just put your fingers on your nipples. Just rub the tip of the nipples. Good. Good. Good.

  Jenna complies.

  Randy: Let’s see what you got going on down here. Why don’t we spin you around baby. Spin you around. Let’s see some butt. Mmm. Yeah. That’s it. There. That’s how she’ll pose. Right there. That’s it. That cute little smile, nice butt. Nice baby. Now let’s see you bend over. There’s another shot. I’d have that in the layout, no doubt about that. Beautiful. That’s beautiful, baby.

  Jenna poses.